I am sick. It all started on Friday night. Saturday I had major sinus pain and pressure and today I have major stuffiness and a cough...Oh and I finally sound all sick and stuffy.
The best part is I haven't taken a damn thing for it. I am in the 2 week wait. So I don't know if we were successful this cycle. Thus no cold meds. UGH.
Even more frustrating is that I took a home pregnancy test yesterday morning. It was negative. So I'm guessing I'm not actually pregnant, but I wait for blood work to be 100% sure (hopefully tomorrow). So I'm sick, I'm upset because once agian this didn't work and, since I'm not 100% sure, I can't take anyting for the cold.
Is this some kind of a cruel joke?
I was feeling pretty sure of it. I tried hard not to be but my chart was so much different from the other 2 Clomid cycles so I thought "surely this means it worked". And still a small part of me says "it could have been to early to test". But I don't know. I just don't feel like I'm that person.
So we have an appointment with our doctor next Friday. There are a few things I want to test now. So I think we are taking a one month break. And it's making me very panicky. What if this was the month? If we wait the earliest we'd have a baby is NEXT MAY! And that just breaks my heart. And I really feel like I can't take this anymore.
So I'm sniffle-y. From the cold. From the crying, because this is all so fucking unfair.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Pop Goes the Egg
Or "went". And maybe eggS? (and do you get that it's the men without hats song or am I really weird? 'cause I'm singing it in my head right now)
Finally ovulated last Wednesday. Got a good bit of trying in and Fertility Friend (we're cool for now) gave me a "High" (see "Counterproductive" post). But we were cutting things close.
I participated in the Relay for Life in my hometown 6 hours away on Friday night and let me tell you I was plenty worried that egg wouldn't pop before we left. Staying at my parents' would have made this cycle a little....awkward. But we dodged that bullet, thank God!
So now we wait. At this point I'm less than a week from poas and bloodwork. Here's hoping.
Edit: Lyung in bed after posting this I remembered a conversation I wanted to share.
Given how horribly uncomfortable I was prior to O (at one point walking and speed bumps made me whimper), it has been suggested by numerous people that perhaps I had multiple eggs pop. I'm not a big fan of the possible ramifications of this. As I told J the other night, it felt like I had 10 eggs on the go. "maybe you should get ready for dec-tuplets....or maybe dodeca-tuplets". That's what you get from the minds of two mathematicians, relating multiple births to polygons. (the 12 sided being a dodecahedron, in case you didn't know)
Finally ovulated last Wednesday. Got a good bit of trying in and Fertility Friend (we're cool for now) gave me a "High" (see "Counterproductive" post). But we were cutting things close.
I participated in the Relay for Life in my hometown 6 hours away on Friday night and let me tell you I was plenty worried that egg wouldn't pop before we left. Staying at my parents' would have made this cycle a little....awkward. But we dodged that bullet, thank God!
So now we wait. At this point I'm less than a week from poas and bloodwork. Here's hoping.
Edit: Lyung in bed after posting this I remembered a conversation I wanted to share.
Given how horribly uncomfortable I was prior to O (at one point walking and speed bumps made me whimper), it has been suggested by numerous people that perhaps I had multiple eggs pop. I'm not a big fan of the possible ramifications of this. As I told J the other night, it felt like I had 10 eggs on the go. "maybe you should get ready for dec-tuplets....or maybe dodeca-tuplets". That's what you get from the minds of two mathematicians, relating multiple births to polygons. (the 12 sided being a dodecahedron, in case you didn't know)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Burn Baby Burn
I play softball. Last week we had a game. I also have very fair skin. I always have an spf 30 on (it's part of my makeup). Last week I tired a new "pure" sunscreen. Supposedly spf 50.
Now granted I didn,t reapply at the end of the day before the game but that's like spf 80, right? And I wore a hat.
Well, I got pink. Not red, just pink. 2 days later, red. And bumpy. Like my cheeks felt like orange peels. Ewwwww. My naturopath suggests it's a sun rash....perhaps resulting from.....the hormones I'm on.
Ah yes, I vaguely remember reading increased photosensitivity somewhere. Great.
So a full week later, having endured itchy, burning, tight, bumpy and rough, I am now peeling. Aloe vera does shit for this. I actually think it made it worse for a day or so. I am currently in LOVE with Aveeno baby lotion. Only thing that has calmed it all week.
And can I tell you a secret? I absolutely love when my skin is peeling. Something facinates me about flaked off skin. I know, gross. But fun. :)
Now granted I didn,t reapply at the end of the day before the game but that's like spf 80, right? And I wore a hat.
Well, I got pink. Not red, just pink. 2 days later, red. And bumpy. Like my cheeks felt like orange peels. Ewwwww. My naturopath suggests it's a sun rash....perhaps resulting from.....the hormones I'm on.
Ah yes, I vaguely remember reading increased photosensitivity somewhere. Great.
So a full week later, having endured itchy, burning, tight, bumpy and rough, I am now peeling. Aloe vera does shit for this. I actually think it made it worse for a day or so. I am currently in LOVE with Aveeno baby lotion. Only thing that has calmed it all week.
And can I tell you a secret? I absolutely love when my skin is peeling. Something facinates me about flaked off skin. I know, gross. But fun. :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Counterproductive
I'm not quite sure this is normal. For others. I'm not so sure I know what ovulating without drugs is like. So does it feel like this for everyone?
I have a splitting headache, cramps like it's my period, nausea, my skin is breaking out and I'm a jittery ball of anxiety.
Now granted that the drug causing all of this is actually causing me to ovulate for the first (well technically 3rd) time in 5 years, but how exactly is this conducive to getting me pregnant?
I mean, who feels all sexy covered in zits, feeling like puking with a vice grip on their uterus? Yeah, I soooo want to jump my husband right now.
I mean, really, the great motivating factor in get me horizontal the last couple days is Fertility Friend. Ohhhhh that Fertility Frenemy. The last 2 cycles it's given me a "Good" score on my timed intercourse. Well I've always hated mediocre grades so I figured I can score an "Excellent" (or whatever it gives...obviously I don't know) if we do it every day for the 5 days that FF tracks.
It's all for better marks. And the chance of stickin it to FF.
Don't tell J. ;)
I have a splitting headache, cramps like it's my period, nausea, my skin is breaking out and I'm a jittery ball of anxiety.
Now granted that the drug causing all of this is actually causing me to ovulate for the first (well technically 3rd) time in 5 years, but how exactly is this conducive to getting me pregnant?
I mean, who feels all sexy covered in zits, feeling like puking with a vice grip on their uterus? Yeah, I soooo want to jump my husband right now.
I mean, really, the great motivating factor in get me horizontal the last couple days is Fertility Friend. Ohhhhh that Fertility Frenemy. The last 2 cycles it's given me a "Good" score on my timed intercourse. Well I've always hated mediocre grades so I figured I can score an "Excellent" (or whatever it gives...obviously I don't know) if we do it every day for the 5 days that FF tracks.
It's all for better marks. And the chance of stickin it to FF.
Don't tell J. ;)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Quite the collection
My mathematician/science-y brain has created the most disgusting of collections.
Pee sticks. OPKs to be exact. I have 16 of them. Up to a week old (gag!).
The thing is I haven't ovulated yet and I feel that I need to keep them all to compare the faintness of the lines until I have a definitive result. They sit on the side if the bathtub. They range from lighter to darker to non-existent to suddenly the darkest yet.
So WTF. Is this happening or is my body stalling? I want to know.
At the very least so I can disinfect the tub.
Pee sticks. OPKs to be exact. I have 16 of them. Up to a week old (gag!).
The thing is I haven't ovulated yet and I feel that I need to keep them all to compare the faintness of the lines until I have a definitive result. They sit on the side if the bathtub. They range from lighter to darker to non-existent to suddenly the darkest yet.
So WTF. Is this happening or is my body stalling? I want to know.
At the very least so I can disinfect the tub.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
If you're happy and you know it
I'm WTO (waiting to ovulate) and so I've been peeing on opk sticks for a week now. The lines are marginally stronger everyday so last night I thought I'd break out one of my digital tests.
It said negative.
But what inspired this post is how it says negative. Positive is a smiley face. To me, that means negative should be a frowny face.
Nope. Negative is just a......well I guess it's a blank face. Just a big ol' empty circle. A zero. An egg (which is ironic because it means I don't have one yet). Or it's just a blank face. Which I interpret as unsure. I find it....depressing.
I told J last night. He asked what I wanted it to do. He thought frowny face was....um...too negative.
I disagree. I think it would make it seem sympathetic. Even the plastic little pee receptacle would be agreeing that it is sucky. And really for the price these things cost I'm kinda thinking it should be sympathetic (not some cold blank zero).
J took it a step further. He suggested a frowny face with a tear running down it's cheek. To add to the feeling of sympathy.
I think he's weird. That would definitely be going too far. ;)
It said negative.
But what inspired this post is how it says negative. Positive is a smiley face. To me, that means negative should be a frowny face.
Nope. Negative is just a......well I guess it's a blank face. Just a big ol' empty circle. A zero. An egg (which is ironic because it means I don't have one yet). Or it's just a blank face. Which I interpret as unsure. I find it....depressing.
I told J last night. He asked what I wanted it to do. He thought frowny face was....um...too negative.
I disagree. I think it would make it seem sympathetic. Even the plastic little pee receptacle would be agreeing that it is sucky. And really for the price these things cost I'm kinda thinking it should be sympathetic (not some cold blank zero).
J took it a step further. He suggested a frowny face with a tear running down it's cheek. To add to the feeling of sympathy.
I think he's weird. That would definitely be going too far. ;)
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