Poor bird

I opened the curtains this morning and saw there were a bunch of feathers on the ground by our tree. There was also another bunch a few feet away.

I was sure taht there would be a bird nearby...dead. Nothing.

I went on with my morning. Took some pictures of the new fence! Then went to get in the car to go to work.

There by the passenger door was a mourning dove. He was missing a bunch of feathers and the ones that were left were ruffled. I didn't see too closely but his head looked weird and the side was red and bloodied. He walked around looking skittish and disoriented. When I walked forward a bit he made like he wanted to fly but I thought maybe his wings weren't working.

I went back into the house thinking I would call someone to pick him up...but who do you call? The city? The SPCA? What would they do for him?

I had a meeting and I couldn't stay home. J pulled the car out of the drive way and I got in to leave for work. I looked back at the bird and wanted to cry.

We stopped the car. The workers were working on the fence. I went to tell them about the bird. So that if I called someone they could show them the bird. But when the four of us approached the bird he flew 2 doors down.

We came back at noon and couldn't find him anywhere.

Did he find somewhere to recuperate? Did the evil cat find him again?

I hope he's okay. I don't like the explanation that that's just nature. He was so scared looking and so badly hurt.

I hope he's okay.

In a funk tonight

Creeping, creeping ever so slowly. And here it is. The deep dark depression and moodiness.

I don't want to do anything. I can't think of the mess in the house. I tell myself to get up and do something. Yet all I have the energy to do is stare at the wall. Or apparently to blog.

I got upset this evening. We have ‘new’ neighbors that moved in a year ago…4 sets. I haven’t met any of them. It’s hard for me to meet them, what with the language difference and all. One of them was out when we came home. I told J-F to go introduce himself. He didn’t want to…couldn’t think of anything to say.

I got upset. I want to get to know them. Doesn’t he understand that it’s easier for him to break the ice?

And then I realize. If I don’t get to know them then I won’t have to ignore them when they have a baby in a year’s time. I won’t feel awkward on top of jealous.

So maybe it’s better.

And then the dark cloud finally settles in over my head.

Arachniphobes beware....

I'm rather sleep deprived today.

All because of a big black spider I found crawling across my PILLOW last night as I was getting into bed. I took me 2 hours of online research and checking of sheets to talk myself into getting into that bed again.

And yet the spider is on the island in the kitchen as we speak (but we aren't really speaking). We caught him in a ziploc container, in a ziploc bag, in a ziploc container, in a ziploc bag. Kinda like the old lady who swallowed a fly.

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In an unrelated story (‘cause I’m just like that). I learned a new word last night watching Obama talk (which oddly doesn’t make me cringe and change the channel like all recent presidential addressing).

“Incentivize”. I was so sure he just kept saying a made up word and it was driving me NUTS. But there it is in the online Webster’s Dictionary. I wonder if it’s Scrabble playable? Can’t wait to break that one out.

The Blog

Not Just.

As in "I'm NOT pregnant, I'm JUST fat".

That pretty much sums it all up. I'm morbidly obese (according to BMI charts) and I'm "dealing" with infertility.

But I'm NOT JUST that. There has to be more to me. So maybe here I'll figure it all out.

If ever you find me speaking about you, I hope you won't be offended and try to understand that this is meant as my place to vent all the deep dark things in my world. My own little place in the internet that I hope remains private (but I'm certainly not naive enough to expect that).

On the same note, please don't judge me for any harsh and ugly things I say here. They are probably not me.

So here I am taking the risk.